Dear Cathy,
My son, a second-year veterinary student, and I adopted two cats. They are brothers, about 13 weeks old. We adopted them three weeks ago. My son is returning to school with one of the cats. I work full time in Oceanside. Will the cats be okay once separated? Is there anything we can do to make the separation easier?
— Donna G., Oceanside, New York
Dear Donna,
It’s great you are thinking about how your cats might react to this life change and trying to prepare them for it.
If your two cats were older, I would have concerns about separating them. Cats can form very tight feline friendships, and a bonded pair can be difficult to separate. Bonded cats that have been together for many years may suffer depression or behavior issues when separated. That’s why animal shelters that receive a pair of bonded cats work hard to place them together. People often think cats enjoy solitude, but they often enjoy being part of a pride and can develop very deep friendships with other feline companions.
As for your cats, however, I don’t think you will see depression or behavior issues; they are still very young and should adapt more easily to their new living conditions. Cats this age are often adopted separately at shelters. There is nothing you can do to prepare them, but just know they may look a little lost without the other at first. You may also hear more meowing during this transition, which is how cats communicate with humans, not other cats. The increased meowing may be them questioning their new situation or them merely looking to you for comfort. If you do see behavior changes, the best thing you and your son can do is provide them with plenty of love and attention until they adapt to their new living situation.
I am assuming your son is taking a cat to college for companionship, so the cats will be reunited on holidays and breaks. Cats who love each other can be a little testy initially during reunions. Even taking a cat to the vet can result in a little hissing between friendly cats since the returning cat will suddenly smell different to the other cat. So, be sure to also give them time to adjust when they are brought back together.
Cathy M. Rosenthal is a longtime animal advocate, author, columnist and pet expert who has more than 25 years in the animal welfare field. Send your pet questions, stories and tips to moc.tidnuptep@yhtac. Please include your name, city, and state. You can follow her @cathymrosenthal
My cat is 7month old and his sibling his sister we separated them my granddaughter took the girl but the one I kept is demanding attention more than usual what can I do about that.
Hi Dixie,
It seems your cat really enjoyed having another feline companion around, and is now seeking a bit more attention from you during this adjustment period. If your grandmother lives nearby, scheduling playdates so they can still interact with their sibling could be beneficial. The stimulation of traveling to grandma’s and playing with their old friend will help tire your cat out.
At home, there are several things you can do to keep your cat entertained. First and foremost, make sure to engage in regular play sessions. Cats thrive on interaction and should ideally be played with at least three times a day for 5 to 10 minutes each session, depending on their individual preferences. The good news is, playing with a cat can be as simple as waving around a wand or feather toy, or using a laser pointer for them to chase—all from the comfort of your couch. Alternatively, there are automatic laser toys available that can be turned on and left to entertain your cat for short periods. (Some cats can get bored with these automatic toys, so try an inexpensive one first to see how he likes them.)
Brushing your cat is another great way to provide mental stimulation, if your cat is amenable to it. Additionally, providing your cat with a perch or cat tree near a window can offer entertainment as they observe the sights and sounds of the outdoors while remaining safe indoors.
Finally, if you have outdoor space like a patio, porch, or yard, consider investing in a small catio. This enclosed outdoor area allows your cat to experience the fresh air and stimulation of the outdoors while remaining secure. Spending time outside can be both enriching and tiring for your cat, helping to keep them content and satisfied.
I hope these suggestions help you and your cat navigate this transition smoothly!
Separating bonded cats can be challenging, but it’s easier to manage when they’re young. Early separation with proper care and attention helps them adjust to new environments and thrive individually.
We adopted a pair of kittens that are now 9 months old. They are from the same litter and not sure if bonded but likely. One is mine and one is my sisters, but they’re like family cats. There’s a possibility that when I go to college I could take my cat with me. I’m wondering if it would be cruel to separate the two, especially because that will be in the future, 2 and a half years or so. It’s not a necessity but I’d like to know if it could be an option. Thanks!
It’s thoughtful of you to consider the emotional well-being of your kittens before making any decisions about their future. While littermates often form close bonds, their ability to adapt to separation depends on the strength of their relationship, their individual temperaments, and how the transition is handled.
Here are some considerations:
1. Bonded vs. Companion Cats
Truly bonded cats show signs of distress when separated and often rely on each other for comfort. Signs of a bonded pair include sleeping curled up together, grooming each other frequently, or becoming anxious if apart for even short periods.
If they are more companions than bonded, they may be able to adapt to life apart, especially if they are given time and attention in their new situations.
2. Timing Matters
Since this decision would happen in about two and a half years, their personalities and relationship may evolve. By then, they could become more independent, or their bond might strengthen further. Keep observing their interactions over time.
3. Transitioning
If you do decide to take one kitten to college, plan for a gradual separation. This could mean starting with brief separations to help them adjust, such as having one spend a little time in another room.
Ensure that each cat has plenty of enrichment, affection, and stimulation in their new environment. Interactive toys, scratching posts, and regular playtime will help keep them content.
4. Alternative Options
If separation seems like it might be stressful for them (or for you and your sister), you could consider other solutions, such as keeping them together and visiting during breaks or reevaluating whether bringing a pet to college is the best choice for both of you.
5. College Lifestyle
Consider how having a cat with you at college would impact their life. Cats thrive on routine and calm, so the dorm or apartment environment, your class schedule (which is different every semester), and social commitments could influence their comfort and happiness.
Ultimately, cats are resilient creatures and can adapt well to changes if they are introduced gradually and thoughtfully. Keep an open mind, stay observant of their needs, and you’ll make the best decision for your furry family members.
My sister and I currently live together, and we adopted 2 kittens from the same litter about 9 months ago. One of them is mine and the other is hers, and we also each have older cats. My kitten loves to play with her older cat(3 yrs), but my older cat (8yrs) tends to kind of bully her. Because of financial issues, i think i’ll have to get my own apartment in about 7 months. They play and groom each other often, and I’m really worried about taking my kitten away from my sister’s cats. I would be devastated to have to let her have my kitten. What is the best way to handle this issue?
Separating cats who have formed bonds can be challenging, but with careful planning and gradual preparation, you can help ease the transition for everyone involved. The first step is to assess the bond between your kitten and your sister’s cats. Pay close attention to their interactions—playing and grooming are good signs of companionship, but they don’t always indicate a deep emotional dependency. If your kitten shows signs of distress when apart from your sister’s cats, such as excessive vocalizing or pacing, their bond might be stronger than it seems, which could make the transition more challenging.
To prepare your kitten for the upcoming separation, it’s important to start now by gradually increasing her independence. Begin separating her from your sister’s cats for short periods each day. Provide her with a safe, quiet space filled with her favorite toys, a cozy bed, and plenty of enrichment activities, such as interactive toys or puzzle feeders, to encourage independent play. At the same time, spend quality time with her to strengthen your bond and build her confidence. This will help her rely on you for comfort rather than the other cats in the household.
When it’s time to move, focus on creating a comforting and familiar environment in your new apartment. Bring along her favorite toys, blankets, and scratching posts to provide a sense of continuity in the new space. Consider using feline pheromone diffusers to create a calming atmosphere during the transition. If you think your kitten might miss the companionship of other cats, you could consider adopting another cat as a companion once you’re settled. Choose a cat with a compatible personality and energy level to ensure a smooth introduction.
It’s also essential to communicate openly with your sister about your concerns. Share your thoughts about your kitten’s adjustment and emphasize that you want what’s best for her. If your sister has concerns about separating the kittens, you might discuss options such as regular visits or temporary stays to help maintain their connection. After the move, monitor your kitten closely for signs of stress, such as hiding, loss of appetite, or excessive grooming. Provide plenty of attention, playtime, and reassurance to help her adjust to her new environment.
Finally, keep an open mind as you navigate this transition. If your kitten struggles significantly with the separation and doesn’t adjust well, it’s okay to reassess the situation. Her well-being is the most important factor, and you can explore solutions that prioritize her happiness and health. But I have often found when owners give lots of time, patience, and preparation, cats adapt to their new living situations quite well.
Let me know if you need further guidance or support in making this transition smoother for your kitten.
Thank you for addressing such an important and often emotional topic. It’s helpful to know that younger cats may adjust more easily to separation, but I appreciate how you emphasize the importance of observing their individual personalities and behaviors. Your advice is practical and compassionate, offering guidance for cat owners navigating these tough decisions. I’ll definitely keep this in mind if I ever encounter a similar situation. Thank you for your insight!
You’re so welcome, and thank you for your thoughtful comment. I’m really glad the advice resonated with you.It’s never easy to make decisions that affect our pets, but tuning into their behavior and emotional needs makes all the difference.
I appreciate how it resonates with pet lovers. Looking forward to reading more of your content, Great post!
Thank you!
Hi, I need advice on a situation about this very topic asap. I have two cats, one is four and the other is five. In 2020 during Covid, me and my ex girlfriend/roommate were living together. We weren’t dating, but strictly roommates and she decided she wanted to get a cat. I didn’t really care & said do whatever you want, as long as you clean up and feed it and ya know all the cat maintenance stuff. Once she brought the cat to the apartment, me and the cat formed a bond like no other. She basically never left my side. We got her at four months old. Didn’t think id be so into cats. Well fast forward a year, my sister got cat a kitten from a friend and asked if I wanted it and I said, of course. Still roommates with my ex we took the kitten in so our first one would have a sister. Fast forward about a year later, we left that complex and went our separate ways. I took both cats and had them ever since. Fast forward again to June 2024, we become roommates again somehow, because Charleston, SC is expensive. Now that our lease is coming up, she’s talking about taking one of the cats with her to Tampa. She knows that the first cat have a stronger bond with me and so therefore she wants to take the second cat. I honestly think they both have a stronger bond to me but she doesn’t believe that. I told her I don’t think it’s right, or a good idea to break them up. I’ve watched these cats everyday since they’ve came into our possession. We moved out and weren’t roommates for about two years when the cats were two and three. Her excuse was her grandma wouldn’t of let cats in the house so she couldn’t take them. What should I do? Should I take it to court? Only because she’s threatening to take one of the cats while I’m at work closer to when she plans on leaving. I suggested she get a new kitten, or even watching her for a few months then exchanging but I don’t think she’s on board with those. Also she wants to use the argument that she bought the first cat, but she was absent for two years. I got all their shots, food, litter, etc. Help, we’re on a month to month lease and she’s saying she’s planning on leaving before school starts. Which is in August I believe, here. Thanks in advance.
First, the big picture: You’ve been the cats’ primary caregiver for the past few years, during which your former roommate was absent. You’ve paid for their food, veterinary care, litter, enrichment—everything. More importantly, you’ve provided the daily care and emotional connection that builds lasting bonds between pets and their people. Legally and ethically, that matters. She may have paid the adoption fee or brought the first cat into the home, but ownership is about more than a receipt—it’s about responsibility and care over time, and you have been handling that responsibility for years. Courts (if it comes to that) often look at who has been the primary caregiver and who the animal is most bonded to. I hope that gives you some piece of mind to know that.
Second, the cats’ relationship: Cats aren’t always best friends, but when they grow up together and have lived as companions for years, separating them can cause distress. Even if one is more bonded to you than the other, it doesn’t mean they’ll thrive apart. Separation anxiety, behavior issues, appetite loss, and stress-related illnesses are real possibilities. It’s not in either cat’s best interest to be split up without a serious, unavoidable reason (like safety or health), and your former roommate hasn’t offered one—other than wanting to take one with her.
Third, about her threats: If she’s talking about removing one of the cats while you’re at work, that’s extremely concerning. That action could be seen as theft of property or custodial interference, depending on how animal custody is handled in South Carolina.
You have a few options to protect yourself:
– Document everything – Who paid for vet visits, food, care? Do you have receipts? Emails? Texts?
– Get the cats microchipped in your name (I assume they are already, so just in case.)
– Talk to a local animal law attorney or even your vet as soon as possible. They may have experience with custody cases like this. (You can contact the South Carolina Bar or the Animal Legal Defense Fund as both may be able to recommend an attorney near you.)
– If needed, file a restraining order for the property (i.e., cats) if she tries to remove them without your consent.
– Change locks or arrange temporary care for them elsewhere if you believe she may act while you’re away.
I know how much anxiety this must be causing you. I can’t imagine someone threatening to take one of my cats. My message to her is simple: there are tens of thousands of cats in shelters who desperately need good homes. Your two already have one. If she’s looking for companionship, she can absolutely find a wonderful, affectionate cat in her new city by visiting a local shelter. Not only would she be giving that cat a second chance, she would be a hero in my eyes for making space in a shelter for another animal in need. There’s no reason to tear apart a bonded pair who have a good home when so many other cats are waiting for love. I hope this is the path she chooses.