By Cathy M. Rosenthal

The other day, a friend called me from her vacation condo. Her husband and daughter had left to pick up dinner, but she stayed behind with their dog. They didn’t want to eat out and leave the dog alone, knowing that doing so would mean a symphony of howls disturbing the neighbors or a furniture demolition project in their absence. So, they adjusted their plans—again—making sure someone was always home.

If you have a dog with separation anxiety, you probably understand this struggle all too well. You love your dog, but you also want the freedom to go out without worrying about panicked destruction or distress.

What is Separation Anxiety?

Separation anxiety in dogs is more than just missing you—it’s a full-blown panic response triggered by your absence. Some dogs bark, whine, and pace. Others go into destruction mode, chewing furniture, tearing up blinds, or trying to escape. And some may even have accidents in the house, even if they are fully house-trained.

We don’t always realize it, but dogs take emotional cues from us. Many of us love that our dogs follow us from room to room, and we unknowingly reinforce clingy behaviors by giving them attention every time they seek it. But without realizing it, we may be creating a dog who doesn’t know how to be alone.

How to Help Your Dog Cope

1. Change Your Leaving Routine
Dogs pick up on our departure cues quickly. If every time you leave the house, you grab your keys, put on your shoes, and say goodbye, your dog is already worked up before you’re even out the door.

One way to lessen this anxiety is to switch up your routine:

• Pick up your keys but don’t leave.
• Put on your coat and then sit down for a few minutes.
• Walk out the door briefly, then come right back in.

By breaking the pattern, you help desensitize your dog to the usual signals of your departure.

2. Give Them a Distraction
One of the best ways to ease separation anxiety is to keep your dog busy while you’re gone. Food puzzles, like a frozen Kong stuffed with wet food, can keep their mind occupied and prevent them from stressing over your absence.

But here’s the trick—don’t wait until you walk out the door to give it to them. Start by offering it while you’re home so they associate it with something positive. Once they get excited about the treat, give it to them about five minutes before you leave, so they are already engaged before you step out.

3. Encourage Independence
While we focus on walking and playing with our dogs, we often forget to teach them to be okay without us. If your dog follows you everywhere or always wants to be by your side, start practicing short separations:

• Encourage your dog to spend time in another room with a toy.
• Give them a designated space (like a bed or mat) where they can relax without needing to be next to you.
• Avoid constantly petting or reassuring them every time they come to you for attention.

Dogs thrive on routine, so teaching them it’s okay to be alone will help them feel more secure when you leave.

4. Try Calming Aids
Some dogs need extra help managing their anxiety. If training alone isn’t working, consider calming aids such as:

• Pheromone diffusers or collars (which mimic the calming scents mother dogs release for their puppies).
• Pressure wraps or calming vests, which can provide a sense of security.
• Background noise, like soft music or a white noise machine, to help reduce the silence when you’re gone.

If your dog’s anxiety is severe, speak with your veterinarian. There are medications that can help, but they should always be used alongside training, not as a replacement for it.

It’s About Progress, Not Perfection

Every dog is different, and treating separation anxiety is rarely a one-step fix. Often, it takes a combination of approaches—adjusting routines, providing distractions, encouraging independence, and sometimes using calming aids.

If you’re dealing with a dog who struggles with being alone, remember—you’re not alone either. With time, patience, and the right tools, you can help your dog feel more secure and confident, even when you’re not home.