When I was 7 years old, my little dog Pepper saw a cat across the street and ran out the open front door. Before I could get outside to catch him, he ran into the street and was hit by a car. I remember screaming and crying. I was overwhelmed by what I had just witnessed and shocked over what I had just lost in a single instant.
It took awhile to recover from Pepper’s death, but it helped that my parents included me in Pepper’s burial. We read a poem and said some nice things about Pepper. Being part of the ritual didn’t stop me from sobbing for weeks, but it did help me feel like I had been a part of Pepper’s life.
Some parents may feel ill-equipped to talk about the death of a pet with their children. Take for example, my 9-year-old niece’s best friend. Her dog was hit by a car and killed while she was spending the night at my niece’s house. Her parents waited until the next day to tell her the news. In fact, by the time she got home, the family had already buried the pet. Yikes!
I am sure they thought they were protecting their daughter, but what they really did was keep her from sharing in the family’s grief. My niece’s friend did not get the chance to watch how the adults in her life coped and so she learned nothing to help her the next time around.
My niece learned something though. After watching how her best friend found out about her dog’s death, she let her parents know that she wanted to be called if her pets died — no waiting — and that they better not bury any of her pets without her present. (If I know my niece, she has drawn up a contract and had her parents sign it just to be sure they stick to these promises.)
If you have pets and kids, you will eventually have to help your children cope with the death of a pet. My son lost five pets when he was between the ages of 4 and 18. At the time of each pet’s pending death, my husband and I talked to him and, based on his responses, determined what he could handle.
He didn’t need to see the euthanasia of a sick pet at 6 years old, but at 12 he wanted to be there for those final moments. In fact, even though he said it was hard to be present, he felt calmer afterward and knew that in those final moments he was giving his pet a great gift.
Teaching children about the death of a pet is a gentle process. You truly have to know and understand how your child will handle the news before you decide how much information is too much information. But don’t overprotect them by leaving them completely out of the process. They can learn how to handle the death of a pet only by watching and modeling you.
On Jan 30 2025 we had to put down our beautiful loved Maltese Bentley. He was 15 years old. I have had three different types of cancer and two transplants. Our beautiful family has always been by our side. Bentley was our child. My husband and I are having a terrible time coping with his loss. When we walk into the house, we cry cause he’s not there even walking to the kitchen. It’s heartbreaking cause he would always be by our side. Do you have any recommendations on how to cope with this horrible loss?
I’m so sorry for your loss. Bentley wasn’t just a dog; he was family. After everything you’ve been through, his constant presence must have felt like a comforting anchor, always there, always by your side. Losing him leaves a silence that feels almost too heavy to bear.
Grief like this doesn’t follow a straight path, and it certainly doesn’t come with an expiration date. Right now, everything probably reminds you of him — his favorite spot to rest, the sound of his paws on the floor, the way he was always at your side, offering love without words. It’s okay to feel this deep sadness. It’s a testament to how much he meant to you.
One thing that may help is finding ways to honor Bentley’s memory. Create a small tribute to him — perhaps a framed photo of him in his favorite spot, a memory book filled with stories of his happiest moments, or a candle you light each night as a reminder that his love still surrounds you. When I lose a beloved pet (and I do this for people too), I light a candle next to their photo for 30 days. It allows me time to grieve, but it also gives me a point at which I remind myself to keep moving forward. I still grieve, but the grief starts to shift, making more room for gratitude and love instead of just loss.
Some people find comfort in writing a letter to their pet, expressing the love, gratitude, and heartache that words couldn’t say before. Others find healing in sharing their pet’s story, talking about them, keeping their memory alive in conversations with family and friends. You could also look for local or online pet loss support groups. These groups give you a chance to share Bentley’s story while supporting others in their grief. Another thing that might help is keeping some of Bentley’s routines, like taking walks as if he were still with you.
Above all, be gentle with yourselves. Your love for him doesn’t disappear just because he’s physically gone. This kind of love doesn’t fade, but in time, the pain will soften, making more room for the joyful memories he gave you. Bentley may not be at your side, but he will always be in your heart.