Dear Cathy,
We are friends with an elderly couple who adopted a young rescue about ten years ago.
The wife passed away about a month ago, and suddenly the dog is peeing on the carpet three times in one day, even though he has a doggie door that he does continue to use regularly. This has been going on for a couple of days, and the housekeeper is getting pretty upset about it. She tried the age-old remedy of rubbing the dog’s nose in the pee spot, and he growled at her. What now?
– Nancy, Glastonbury, Connecticut
Dear Nancy,
This dog is in grief over the loss of his owner. When someone dies, animals often grieve through changes in behaviors, which may result in more sleeping, more lethargic behaviors, and even inappropriate elimination in the home.
Rubbing the dog’s nose in the pee spot has never worked to change a behavior. The best way to restore normal behaviors is to give the dog lots of love and attention. But, keep in mind, it’s not uncommon for a dog or cat to grieve for a loved one for many weeks and months.
As for the inappropriate elimination inside the home, tell the housekeeper and the widower to act like they are housetraining a new dog. What that means is, they need to take the dog out to relieve himself after exercise and play, after he wakes up, after he eats, and before bedtime – just like with a puppy. They should see an improvement within a few days but should continue to do this training consistently for a few weeks to ensure it sticks.
If the elimination continues, the dog could have developed a health problem that may have resulted from grief or just coincidentally overlapped with the death of his loved one. In either case, he may need to see a veterinarian for a health exam.
Cathy M. Rosenthal is a longtime animal advocate, author, columnist and pet expert who has more than 25 years in the animal welfare field. Send your pet questions, stories and tips to moc.tidnuptep@yhtac. Please include your name, city, and state. You can follow her @cathymrosenthal
Hi Cathy. I have a 3 yr old Pittie. my husband unexpectedly passed away 10/8. I do know pits are known as Velcro dogs in general and he was extremely attached to my husband as he is with myself and our son as well. He was here when my husband passed unfortunately attempting to revive him. since his passing Azazel’s tail is constantly dropped, he cries at night, and he has started peeing on the floor. It hurts me to see him hurt with us but I don’t know what to do to help him with any of these issues. any advise for any of his current behavior issues would be greatly appreciated.
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. To be grieving yourself while watching Azazel struggle adds another layer of heartache.
Dogs form deep attachments, and losing someone they love can affect their behavior, sleep, and sense of security. We cannot know exactly what Azazel understood about the emergency, but his familiar world has changed suddenly. His behavior may reflect grief and anxiety.
Please start with a veterinary appointment, especially because the urinating indoors is new. Stress may contribute, but a urinary infection or another medical problem needs to be ruled out. Mention his lowered tail and nighttime crying, too, since pain can also cause these changes.
At home, focus on making his days predictable. Keep meals, walks, bathroom breaks, and bedtime as consistent as you reasonably can. Offer gentle walks with plenty of sniffing, brief play sessions if he is interested, and quiet companionship. Let him seek affection without pressuring him to interact.
For the accidents, temporarily return to housetraining basics: more frequent trips outside, especially after waking, after meals, and before bed, with immediate praise and a treat when he goes outdoors. Clean indoor spots with an enzymatic cleaner and avoid scolding, which can add to his anxiety. Keep water available.
At night, try placing his bed near yours and following a quiet, familiar bedtime routine. If he cries, check whether he needs to go outside or seems uncomfortable, then offer calm reassurance. You do not need to withhold comfort from a distressed dog.
If he continues struggling to settle, loses interest in food or activities, or becomes distressed whenever left alone, ask your veterinarian about a treatment plan. Medication may be helpful when anxiety is interfering with rest and daily life.
Please be gentle with yourself, too. You do not have to hide your grief or do everything perfectly to help him. Familiar care, patient companionship, and support for his symptoms can help him feel secure while your family adjusts to this painful loss.