Dear Cathy,
We had two cats who were littermates and adopted as kittens. One of the two cats disappeared and hasn’t returned. The other is still mourning his lost brother. Is there anything we can do to comfort him or help him get over missing his brother? Would a new kitten help? — Mandy
Dear Mandy,
I’m so sorry to hear that one of your cats has disappeared. Cats can form strong bonds, especially littermates, so your cat’s grief is a natural response to the loss of his companion. While it’s tempting to bring home a new kitten right away, I would encourage you to take things slow. Here are some steps you can take to help him through this difficult time.
- Give Your Cat Extra Attention
Right now, the most important thing is to focus on your cat’s needs. Spend extra time with him each day through play, cuddling, or simply sitting nearby. Your attention will reassure him of his place in the home and strengthen your bond. - Provide Enrichment and Distraction
Help keep his mind engaged and spirits lifted by introducing new toys, puzzle feeders, or scratching posts. A perch near a window where he can watch birds or a cozy new bed can also help distract him and provide comfort. Positive experiences like these will help fill the void left by his brother’s absence. - Allow Him Time to Grieve
Grief takes time, and rushing to add another pet too soon could cause more stress. Cats need time to adjust to the change in their environment and routine. Allow him the space to process this loss before considering a new companion. - Slowly Introduce a New Cat or Kitten (When He’s Ready)
Once your cat has had a few weeks or months to grieve and settle into his new normal, you can consider bringing home a new kitten. But only do so when you think your cat is ready—not just you. Cats are creatures of routine, and a new kitten will disrupt that, so thoughtful introductions are key to a successful transition.
Here are some tips for a smooth introduction:
- Keep the New Kitten in a Separate Room: Start by setting up a “safe room” for the new kitten. This gives the kitten time to adjust to their new environment and allows your older cat to remain in control of his familiar space.
- Scent Swapping: Before the cats meet face-to-face, swap their scents. Rub a towel or blanket on the kitten and place it in an area where your older cat likes to sleep. Do the same for the older cat and place his scented item in the kitten’s room. You can also swap their bedding or toys. Scent swapping helps both cats become familiar with each other in a non-threatening way.
- Room Rotation: Once both cats seem calm with the scent swapping, try rotating them between spaces. Move your older cat into the kitten’s room for short periods while the kitten explores the rest of the house. This helps the cats get used to each other’s scent in new locations while allowing them to explore safely without confrontation.
- Gradual Visual Introductions: After scent swapping and room rotations, allow the cats to see each other without direct contact. Use a baby gate, cracked door, or pet playpen to let them observe each other from a safe distance. Reward calm behavior from both cats with treats and praise. If either cat becomes agitated, take a break and try again later.
- Supervised Meetings: Once they are calm seeing each other, you can begin short, supervised introductions. Keep the sessions brief and positive, offering treats and gentle praise when they interact calmly. If tension rises, separate them and try again later.
- Reassure Your Older Cat: During the introduction process, give your older cat the bulk of your attention. This helps him feel secure and loved, like reassuring an older sibling when a new baby comes home. The kitten won’t yet have expectations of you, so focus on your older cat to reduce jealousy and stress.
- Allow Them to Set Their Own Pace: Remember that it’s normal for your older cat to hiss or swat at the kitten during early meetings. This is his way of setting boundaries, and as long as no one gets hurt, it’s part of the process. Over time, the two will learn to coexist and may even develop a bond.
- Provide Multiple Resources: Make sure there are enough food bowls, water bowls, litter boxes (the golden rule is one per cat plus an extra), scratching posts, and resting spaces to reduce competition. Cats often bond better when they don’t have to share essential resources.
- Be Patient and Celebrate Progress
It may take time, but your older cat will adjust to the new kitten. Fortunately, kittens are naturally curious and come with no expectations, which makes them easier for older cats to accept once they feel secure. With patience and careful introductions, they’ll likely become friends and bring new joy to your home.
Grief is a process, and your compassion will go a long way in helping your cat heal. By giving him extra love, providing enrichment, and introducing a new kitten only when he’s ready, you’ll set him up for success. Thank you for being so attentive to his needs, Mundy. Your love and care will help him through this difficult time, and before you know it, he may have a new friend to share his days with.
Cathy is a longtime animal advocate, syndicated pet columnist, animal welfare consultant, and children’s author. Send your pet questions to moc.tidnuptep@yhtac. For more information, visit CathyRosenthal.com.
